Introduction: Rethinking Autism & Socialization from First Principles

Autism has long been classified as a lifelong neurological disorder, with the mainstream mental health industry asserting that it is caused by genetic and brain-based impairments in social cognition (Bailey et al., 1995). This perspective assumes that autistic individuals struggle socially because of an inherent deficiency in their brain’s ability to process social information (Baron-Cohen, 2009).

But what if this assumption is flawed?

What if autistic individuals struggle socially not because they are broken, but because they were blocked from fully engaging in the natural process of socialization?

Challenging the Mainstream Narrative

The traditional view of autism suggests that autistic individuals:

• Are born with innate deficits in social communication.

• Have reduced theory of mind—the ability to understand others’ perspectives (Baron-Cohen et al., 1985).

• Struggle with emotional regulation due to brain dysfunction rather than environmental conditioning.

However, the Ultimate Divergence Theory of Autism presents a radically different explanation:

• Autism is not a disorder—it is an adaptive divergence that begins when early socialization is blocked.

• Autistic individuals are not inherently impaired in social cognition—they have simply never been fully immersed in the process of social learning.

• The struggles associated with autism are not inborn limitations, but rather learned adaptations to a world that they were not given full access to engage with.

If autistic individuals were never fully integrated into the socialization process, it would explain why they struggle with:

• Understanding nonverbal cues (which are learned through repeated social interactions).

• Emotional regulation (which is co-developed through relationships with caregivers and peers).

• Theory of mind (which is built through reciprocal social exchanges, not just internal cognitive processing).

A Reverse Engineering Approach

Instead of assuming autistic traits are caused by a neurological defect, let’s reverse-engineer them.

• If we work backward and analyze what skills are missing, we can see that they align almost perfectly with the things learned through socialization.

• For example:

  • Social difficulties? These stem from missing exposure to social learning opportunities, not from an intrinsic impairment.

  • Struggles with emotional regulation? Co-regulation with caregivers is a primary way children develop emotional control (Tronick, 1989). If socialization is blocked, this skill is never fully developed.

  • Sensory sensitivities? These may not be innate but rather a nervous system conditioned into hypervigilance due to early trauma (Perry & Pollard, 1998).

If socialization is not inherently blocked by genetics or brain deficits but instead by a trauma-induced avoidance cycle, then it should be possible to break this cycle and restore social learning.

Thesis Statement: A New Understanding of Autism

The Ultimate Divergence Theory of Autism proposes that:

• Autism is not a disorder—it is a divergence caused by a partial or complete blockage of access to the socialization process.

• This blockage leads to cognitive and emotional adaptations that become labeled as "autistic traits."

• If the socialization process was blocked, it can be unblocked, allowing for the reintegration of social learning without forcing autistic individuals to conform to neurotypical norms.

Instead of asking how to fix autism, we should be asking:

• What if autism isn’t something to fix, but rather a learning gap that we can bridge?

The Role of Socialization in Human Development

Socialization is the natural process through which humans learn to communicate, regulate emotions, and navigate social norms. It begins at birth and continues throughout life, shaping how individuals interact with others and interpret the world around them. Through repeated exposure to social interactions, individuals learn to understand nonverbal communication, manage emotions, and develop an awareness of the thoughts and feelings of others.

From infancy, children instinctively absorb social information from their caregivers and environment. Studies show that infants as young as six months old begin to recognize and respond to facial expressions, indicating an early ability to interpret emotional cues (Serrano et al., 1995). By one year of age, joint attention—where a child follows another person’s gaze or points at objects—becomes a fundamental aspect of social learning, helping to build communication skills and shared understanding (Mundy & Newell, 2007). As children grow, they refine their ability to engage in conversations, regulate emotions, and predict the behavior of others through continuous social experiences.

Key Skills Taught Through Socialization

One of the most critical aspects of socialization is learning to interpret nonverbal cues, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. These signals provide context for verbal communication and help individuals gauge the emotions and intentions of others. Research has shown that neurotypical children develop the ability to match emotions to facial expressions early in life, giving them an advantage in social interactions (Ekman & Friesen, 1971).

Emotional self-regulation is another essential skill developed through socialization. When a child experiences distress and is soothed by a caregiver, they learn how to calm themselves. This process, known as co-regulation, teaches children to manage their emotions and respond appropriately to social situations (Tronick, 1989). Without these interactions, individuals may struggle with intense emotional reactions and find it difficult to cope with stress.

Learning social timing and the rhythm of conversations is also fundamental to effective communication. Neurotypical children acquire turn-taking skills naturally through play, observation, and practice (Carpenter et al., 1998). They develop an intuitive sense of when to speak, pause, and listen, which allows for smooth and reciprocal social interactions. Without these experiences, individuals may struggle with conversational flow, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships.

Theory of mind, the ability to understand that other people have thoughts, emotions, and perspectives different from one’s own, is another key skill acquired through socialization. Studies suggest that neurotypical children develop a basic theory of mind by the age of two, enabling them to predict and interpret the intentions of others (Wellman et al., 2001). A lack of social exposure can result in delays in this area, making it difficult to anticipate social reactions or navigate complex social dynamics.

If Someone Is Blocked From This Process, What Happens?

If an individual is partially or fully blocked from socialization, they miss out on the natural learning opportunities that neurotypical individuals take for granted. Without exposure, these skills do not develop automatically, leading to difficulties that closely align with the diagnostic criteria for autism.

For example, difficulty understanding nonverbal cues can lead to misinterpreting social interactions or appearing unresponsive in social settings (Ekman & Friesen, 1971). A lack of exposure to co-regulation may result in difficulties with emotional self-regulation, contributing to meltdowns, shutdowns, or emotional rigidity (Tronick, 1989). Without opportunities to practice social timing, individuals may struggle with turn-taking in conversations, leading to interruptions, monologues, or social withdrawal (Carpenter et al., 1998).

A lack of exposure to theory of mind development can make it difficult for an individual to understand and predict the thoughts and feelings of others, which may contribute to difficulties in forming social relationships (Baron-Cohen et al., 1985).

These challenges are not necessarily caused by a neurological impairment, but rather by a lack of early exposure to social experiences. Instead of asking why autistic individuals struggle with these skills, a more relevant question is: why was their access to socialization blocked in the first place?

The Blocking of the Socialization Process: How and Why It Happens

Autistic individuals are often assumed to struggle with socialization due to an innate neurological impairment. However, what if these struggles are not the result of a cognitive inability but rather a defensive adaptation to avoid emotional pain? The Ultimate Divergence Theory of Autism suggests that socialization is not inherently impaired but rather blocked due to early negative experiences that lead to avoidance and withdrawal.

1. Socialization Can Be Blocked from Before Birth

Scientific Evidence for Fetal Memory (Studies Show Memory Formation at 20 Weeks)

Research indicates that fetuses begin forming memories as early as 20 weeks gestation. Studies have shown that they respond to external stimuli, such as familiar voices, music, and even maternal stress (Hepper, 1996). By the third trimester, they can distinguish between familiar and unfamiliar sounds, indicating that early learning and memory formation are already taking place (Partanen et al., 2013).

How Early Negative Experiences Can Encode the External World as a Threat

If a fetus or newborn is exposed to high levels of maternal stress, environmental instability, or other distressing stimuli, these experiences may shape early neural development. Research has found that maternal stress hormones, such as cortisol, cross the placenta and can alter fetal brain development, increasing stress sensitivity after birth (Davis & Sandman, 2010).

For some infants, early distress becomes associated with social interaction itself. If interactions with caregivers or the external world consistently result in overstimulation or distress, the nervous system may develop an automatic withdrawal response. In more severe cases of autism, it is possible that the entire external world becomes encoded as a threat, leading to extreme disengagement from people and surroundings.

2. The Role of Early Life Experiences in Blocking Socialization

A Single Traumatic Social Experience in Infancy Can Trigger Avoidance

Infants and young children are highly impressionable. A single overwhelming, painful, or traumatic experience—such as a prolonged hospital stay, parental neglect, or an emotionally unavailable caregiver—can create a deep-rooted association between social interaction and distress (Perry & Pollard, 1998).

If an infant experiences repeated negative social interactions, their nervous system may pre-emptively avoid future interactions to prevent further distress. This avoidance disrupts early social learning, making socialization more difficult over time.

A single catastrophic event, such as a toxin introduced to the system may cause the mind to completely withdraw from the external world and into its own inner world, by designating the whole outer world as dangerous. This may be the case for sudden onset autism.

Sensory Sensitivity Can Amplify the Blockage

For many autistic individuals, sensory sensitivity plays a crucial role in reinforcing social avoidance. Studies show that autistic individuals often have hyper-reactive sensory processing, meaning that sounds, touch, and eye contact may feel overwhelmingly intense (Baron-Cohen et al., 2000).

If social stimuli such as voices, facial expressions, or physical touch trigger overstimulation and discomfort, the child may instinctively withdraw. This withdrawal further limits social exposure, reinforcing the cycle of avoidance.

3. The Result: A Vicious Cycle of Avoidance and Social Skill Deficits

Autistic individuals do not avoid socialization because they lack interest—they avoid it because it triggers stored emotional pain. Negative early experiences condition the nervous system to associate social interaction with discomfort or distress, leading to withdrawal and avoidance.

This avoidance leads to fewer opportunities to learn social skills, reinforcing the difficulties associated with autism. Socialization requires practice, and when individuals do not engage in social learning, they miss critical developmental milestones.

From an external perspective, these difficulties are often misinterpreted as social deficits rather than defensive adaptations. Mainstream psychology views autism as a condition that causes social impairments, but an alternative perspective suggests that social avoidance is a learned protective mechanism in response to early distress.

The Emergence of Systemizing Cognition as a Coping Mechanism

The beginning of neural divergence is where what is known as autism begins. This divergence occurs when early socialization is blocked, causing the brain to develop along an alternative trajectory. This process does not necessarily start at birth—it can begin in the womb, depending on early experiences that shape the nervous system’s response to the external world. If a fetus or infant experiences consistent distress, the brain may adapt by shifting its focus away from social engagement and toward predictable, structured cognition as a defensive adaptation.

1. The Brain Adapts: From Social Learning to Systemizing Learning

Social learning is the foundation of human interaction, enabling individuals to develop communication skills, emotional intelligence, and an intuitive grasp of social norms. However, when early socialization is blocked due to trauma, sensory overload, or avoidance, the brain does not stop developing—it simply redirects its focus toward areas it can control. Instead of learning through relationships and social feedback, the individual begins processing the world through patterns, logical systems, and predictable cause-and-effect thinking.

This shift can happen as early as in the womb. Research has shown that fetuses begin forming memories at around 20 weeks gestation and respond to external stimuli such as maternal stress, environmental sounds, and even the emotional tone of their caregivers (Hepper, 1996; Partanen et al., 2013). If a fetus or infant associates external stimuli with distress, their nervous system may adapt by minimizing engagement with the unpredictable social world and instead focusing on predictable, structured cognitive processing.

This pattern of adaptation aligns with Simon Baron-Cohen’s Empathizing-Systemizing (E-S) Theory, which suggests that autistic individuals are naturally inclined toward systemizing cognition over empathizing cognition (Baron-Cohen, 2009). However, the Ultimate Divergence Theory of Autism expands on this idea, proposing that this shift is not innate, but an adaptation in response to being blocked from social learning.

If social interactions are overwhelming or painful, the brain naturally seeks structure and predictability elsewhere. Over time, the individual refines systemizing cognition as a survival mechanism, which can manifest as deep interests in mathematics, mechanics, coding, or other rule-based systems. However, because social learning remains underdeveloped, navigating human relationships becomes increasingly difficult.

2. The Mismatch Trauma: When a Systemizing Brain Clashes with an Empathizing World

Neurotypical individuals develop an intuitive understanding of social expectations, emotional reciprocity, and unspoken social rules through continuous engagement with the social world. In contrast, autistic individuals—who have developed a systemizing cognitive style—often struggle with human unpredictability. This fundamental mismatch leads to chronic misunderstandings, frustration, and emotional exhaustion (Pellicano, 2010).

Autistic individuals may often ask themselves:

• Why don’t people follow logical rules?

• Why do people say one thing and mean another?

• Why are emotions so irrational and inconsistent?

When systemizing thinkers attempt to apply logical structures to social interactions, they frequently encounter mismatch trauma—the distress caused by trying to navigate a world that does not follow predictable rules. This can lead to:

• Misunderstandings, as they assume social interactions should follow structured, rule-based logic but instead encounter ambiguous and shifting expectations.

• Rejection and social isolation, as they may be labeled as “weird,” “cold,” or “rigid” due to differences in social processing (South, Ozonoff, & McMahon, 2007).

• Emotional trauma from repeated social failures, reinforcing avoidance and deepening the divergence between them and neurotypical individuals (Livingston & Happé, 2017).

Because of this mismatch, autistic individuals may:

• Rely on rigid rules to navigate social situations, such as scripting conversations or adhering to strict routines.

• Struggle with social fluidity, as people are unpredictable while structured systems (such as computers or logic-based frameworks) are consistent.

• Prefer solitary activities, where logic and structure dominate, as opposed to the uncertainty of human relationships.

Neural Divergence Begins the Autism Process

The moment an individual’s brain begins diverging from a social learning trajectory toward a systemizing, structured way of processing the world is the point at which autism begins. This divergence may start before birth, in response to environmental stressors, or early in infancy due to negative social experiences.

As the individual continues relying on systemizing cognition, their divergence from neurotypical social learning becomes increasingly pronounced. Each failed social experience reinforces avoidance, and the cycle of social withdrawal and cognitive adaptation deepens, making it harder to integrate into neurotypical society.

Autism is therefore not an inborn disorder, but a developmental divergence that occurs when early socialization is blocked. The key to addressing autism-related challenges is not forcing neurotypical social norms but understanding why the divergence occurred and how to safely reintroduce social learning in a structured way.

The Compounding Effects of Missed Socialization, Trauma, and Mismatch

Autism is often described as a developmental disorder, but an alternative perspective suggests that it is a self-reinforcing cycle caused by missed socialization, trauma, and cognitive mismatch with the neurotypical world. The Ultimate Divergence Theory of Autism explains how the initial avoidance of socialization due to trauma leads to compounding challenges over time, making reintegration into the social world increasingly difficult.

1. How the Socialization Blockage Leads to Almost Every "Autistic" Challenge

When early socialization is blocked due to trauma, an individual misses out on learning key social and emotional skills. This absence of learning leads to challenges that directly mirror the diagnostic criteria for autism.

• Difficulty with social cues arises from missed social learning opportunities, particularly a lack of exposure to facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice (Serrano et al., 1995). Without these experiences, interpreting subtle social signals becomes much harder.

• Struggles with emotional regulation stem from a lack of exposure to co-regulation, where caregivers and peers help a child learn to manage their emotions (Tronick, 1989). Without this process, individuals may struggle with emotional outbursts, meltdowns, or shutdowns in response to stress.

• Literal thinking can develop when an individual has little exposure to figurative speech, idioms, and sarcasm in social contexts. If a child does not regularly engage with abstract or indirect communication, they may develop a preference for strict, literal interpretations (Happé, 1995).

• Social anxiety arises from negative social experiences that reinforce avoidance. If a child repeatedly encounters rejection, sensory overload, or misunderstanding in social situations, they may develop an ingrained fear of engaging with others (White et al., 2010).

• Sensory overload is often the result of a nervous system that is constantly in a state of hyper-vigilance due to past trauma. When the nervous system remains on high alert, even mild sensory input can feel overwhelming (Perry & Pollard, 1998).

• Executive function issues emerge due to a lack of external social modeling for planning, organization, and time management. Many of these skills are learned indirectly through interactions with caregivers and peers, and when socialization is blocked, these skills are not developed naturally (Pellicano, 2010).

• A strong need for routine often develops as a way to cope with an unpredictable and overwhelming world. When social environments feel chaotic, autistic individuals may develop rigid structures to create stability and reduce stress (South et al., 2007).

Instead of asking, "Why do autistic people struggle with these things?", a more relevant question is, "What happens to a person who never had the chance to learn them?"

2. The Vicious Cycle That Develops

The more an autistic person avoids social interaction, the more difficult it becomes to re-enter. As a result, their brain increasingly relies on systemizing cognition to make sense of the world, deepening the divergence between them and neurotypical individuals.

This avoidance creates a self-reinforcing loop:

• A negative social experience causes avoidance.

• Avoidance prevents further learning of social skills.

• Lack of social learning makes social interactions even harder.

• Each failed interaction reinforces the belief that socialization is painful or impossible.

As this cycle continues, the individual increasingly isolates themselves from social situations, leading to:

• A growing dependence on structure and routine as a coping mechanism.

• Increased difficulty in social situations, making interactions feel even more overwhelming.

• A deepening of cognitive divergence, as the brain continues adapting away from social learning and toward systemizing cognition.

The "autistic" brain isn’t inherently socially impaired—it is trapped in a self-reinforcing loop of avoidance, hypervigilance, and missed learning opportunities.

This is why many autistic individuals experience increased isolation as they grow older. The longer the cycle continues, the more they rely on rigid coping strategies, making it even harder to step into the unpredictable world of human relationships.

Instead of treating autism as a neurological disorder, it may be more accurate to see it as a pattern of divergence driven by avoidance, reinforced by trauma, and sustained by cognitive adaptation.

Breaking the Cycle: A New Path Forward

Autism is often described as a fixed neurological condition, but the Ultimate Divergence Theory of Autism suggests a different perspective. Rather than being a disorder, autism is an adaptive divergence that arises when early socialization is blocked. This means that many of the challenges associated with autism are not innate impairments but learned adaptations. If social learning was blocked due to trauma or avoidance, then restoring access to socialization could help autistic individuals overcome many of these challenges.

1. Shifting the Perspective on Autism

The dominant view of autism suggests that autistic individuals inherently struggle with socialization due to biological deficits in brain function. However, an alternative approach asks:

• What if autistic individuals simply missed out on learning key social skills?

• What if these skills can still be taught in a way that aligns with their cognitive strengths?

Studies on neuroplasticity show that the brain can rewire itself throughout life, meaning that even if social learning was blocked early, it may still be possible to restore these abilities through targeted intervention (Doidge, 2007).

Additionally, the double empathy problem suggests that autistic individuals do not inherently lack social skills but instead communicate in ways that differ from neurotypical expectations (Milton, 2012). This means that social struggles are not due to a neurological flaw but rather a mismatch between different cognitive styles.

Instead of focusing on autism as a condition that needs to be "fixed," we should shift the question to: How can we bridge the gap and reintroduce social learning in a way that works for autistic individuals?

2. Reopening the Socialization Process Through Emotional Clearing

One of the primary reasons socialization becomes blocked is that early social experiences become associated with emotional pain. If an individual repeatedly experiences distress, rejection, or overstimulation during social interactions, their nervous system learns to avoid social engagement as a protective mechanism.

If trauma is blocking access to socialization, then the first step is removing that trauma. Research on trauma healing suggests that past emotional imprints can be neutralized and reprocessed, allowing individuals to engage with previously distressing experiences without triggering the same emotional responses (Van der Kolk, 2014).

Emotional healing methods can be used to:

• Identify and remove negative emotional associations with socialization.

• Enable individuals to experience social interactions without being overwhelmed by past trauma.

By clearing the emotional triggers that reinforce avoidance, individuals may naturally begin to re-engage with social learning in a way that feels safe and manageable.

3. Teaching Socialization in a Logical, Systemizing-Friendly Way

Many autistic individuals would be open to engaging socially if they were taught in a way that aligns with their cognitive strengths. However, traditional approaches often expect them to intuitively "pick up" social skills—which contradicts the way their brains process information.

Instead of forcing autistic individuals to conform to neurotypical social norms, we should:

• Teach socialization as a structured system rather than an abstract “feel it out” process.

• Use clear, logic-based frameworks to explain social dynamics in a way that makes sense to systemizing thinkers.

Studies on structured social skills training have shown that when autistic individuals are taught explicit social rules and strategies, they can successfully improve their ability to navigate social situations (Gates et al., 2017).

For example, instead of expecting someone to "just know" how to engage in small talk, they could be taught:

• A simple scripted formula for greetings and introductions.

• A flowchart-like approach for conversation topics and transitions.

• Logical explanations of nonverbal cues, rather than assuming they will be intuitively understood.

By presenting socialization as a system with rules and structure, autistic individuals can reintegrate into social learning without being forced to adopt neurotypical thinking patterns.

Final Thought: A New Way Forward

Autism is not a disorder—it is an adaptive divergence that occurs when socialization is blocked. Instead of treating autistic individuals as deficient, we should focus on:

• Clearing emotional barriers that prevent engagement.

• Providing structured, rule-based methods for social learning.

• Recognizing that autistic individuals do not lack social intelligence—they simply process it differently.

If divergence occurs when socialization is blocked, then breaking the cycle means reopening access to social learning in a way that respects and aligns with autistic cognition.

Conclusion: A New Understanding of Autism

For decades, autism has been framed as a disorder—a permanent neurological condition that limits an individual's ability to connect and function in social environments. However, the Ultimate Divergence Theory of Autism offers a different perspective. Rather than seeing autism as an intrinsic defect, this theory suggests that autism is an adaptive divergence caused by early socialization blockage. The cognitive and behavioral patterns associated with autism are not fixed impairments but learned adaptations in response to missed social learning opportunities and environmental stressors.

If autism begins when socialization is blocked, then it follows that many of the challenges associated with autism may not be permanent. Instead of asking how to "fix" autistic individuals, we should be asking how to restore access to the social learning process in a way that aligns with their cognitive strengths.

Reopening the Social Learning Process Can Reverse Many Challenges

The idea that socialization is an innate ability is misleading. Research on neuroplasticity has shown that the brain is capable of rewiring itself throughout life, meaning that even if social learning was blocked early, it can still be reintroduced later (Doidge, 2007). This suggests that many of the struggles associated with autism may not be lifelong limitations but instead skills that were never properly learned due to avoidance, trauma, or overstimulation.

Additionally, studies on social skills training demonstrate that autistic individuals can develop effective social interaction strategies when taught in a structured, logical way that aligns with their cognitive processing style (Gates et al., 2017). This supports the idea that social struggles in autism are not due to a fundamental inability but rather a gap in learning caused by avoidance.

If socialization avoidance is driven by emotional trauma, then healing that trauma could open the door for new social experiences. Research on trauma processing has shown that individuals can retrain their nervous system to feel safe in situations that were previously overwhelming (Van der Kolk, 2014). This suggests that clearing negative emotional associations with socialization could allow autistic individuals to re-engage with social learning without distress.

From “Broken” to Divergent Thinkers

Autistic individuals are often seen as socially impaired—but what if they were simply never given the chance to fully develop social skills? Instead of treating autism as a disorder, we should recognize it as a different developmental trajectory caused by socialization avoidance.

If socialization can be blocked, it can also be unblocked.
If social skills were never learned, they can still be taught.
If autistic individuals have adapted by relying on systemizing cognition, we can help them reintegrate social learning in a structured, rule-based way.

This new perspective reshapes the conversation around autism. Instead of seeing autistic individuals as broken, we should recognize them as divergent minds shaped by early-life experiences. They do not need to be "fixed"—they need access to structured, logic-based methods to help bridge the gap between them and a social world built for neurotypicals.

Final Question

What if autism isn’t something to fix, but rather a learning gap that we can bridge?

Download your FREE PDF, "Breaking Free: How Trauma Shapes Autism Challenges & the Path to Healing!". It's your roadmap to Ultimate Divergence.

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